I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
