I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It's official drugs can't kill me
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
