There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
