people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
