I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
