dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
