She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
pray to the hookup gods
Randomize
