Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
