Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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