If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
