You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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