I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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