if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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