how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
