I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
