i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It's blow job season.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
