You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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