evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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