He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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