An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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