We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
