remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
