I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
