She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
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