Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize