y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
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