I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
