i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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