It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
