she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
