So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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