i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
