I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
