Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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