I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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