3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize