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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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