Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
