Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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