You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm sobbing to NWA
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
