if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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