you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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