the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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