Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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