it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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