he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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