there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
