He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
