And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
