some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize