I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
