Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
