Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
