working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
sex in a hospital.. check
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
