Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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