You just made me feel so damn special
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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