He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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