3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
