I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
