I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
there is puke in my bra ... again
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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