It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
