i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
