It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
