remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
