The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize