i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
