O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
