Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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