I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
