At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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