i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
