Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Randomize
