it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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