I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
