His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
