you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
