she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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