I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
