Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
