White coat. Heels.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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