we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
