i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
