I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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