im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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