I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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