Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
