Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
