I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
