How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
