Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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