I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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