she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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