____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Sober January is a disaster.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
