I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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