A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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