Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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