i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
