Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
