Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
