ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize