My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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