The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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