Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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