Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
