I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I love black thongs
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
