big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
