not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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