Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
